Jesus Christ. Does Taka really have to go running when it's pitch black outside? In the woods?! Oh yeah. Sure I'll run far and fast when my blood is half adrenaline because of supposed demons in the bushes.

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There are kids in here. o_O
Well... only one that I know of that I hadn't suspected.
She's... interesting. An age-slider, and definitely an aspect of the original. And I think she's pretty good at pretending to be any of us. Really smart, too, if immature... Seems to have all of my experiences, and maybe more. She's also a lot more nonchallant about the "dreamer."

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Great Debate
K: Sephiroth.
A: Vincent.
K: SEPHIROTH!
A: VINCENT!
L: Yuffie.
Both: Eww. She's like... fourteen.
K: Well... She is a ninja.

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Still posting, still thinking... At least here, I won't flood peoples' lists as much, with things they don't understand. With things I'm not sure I want them to understand.
I'm losing control, here-within. I have to admit that. I'm not the dictator here. More and more I'm frightened by what lies behind the eyes in the mirror. The ones I know, I can deal with. I can live with them, even Kai. But the others... how can I live with those I do not know, who have been within me who knows how long? What do I do when I am a stranger in my own mind? It isn't my mind, though, is it? It's hers. I don't speak too loudly of it, though. I don't want her to know... I don't want her to awaken. This dreamer I do not trust.
I can deal, now, spending most of my time shut in our room. There, reading, writing, listening to music, curling up in bed and trying to, like her, dream myself away from it all, I can deal with everyone. We can cooperate. No one is around to care. But now there is a week, just a week until we'll have to go back to dealing with the rest of the world... I've become infinitely less stable, these last few weeks. My place in this has shifted. I don't know what's going to happen.

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Who are we?
Echoes of the past
I don't know
falling apart at the seams
sleeping minds inside this shell
for the first time uncomfortable
unsure
how do I know? I can feel them but not hear
not know what they are when they are not here
if you want privacy
flee from the front
can I, as well?
mind is full of sleeping monsters
watching crouched huddled forms
eyes staring from the dark
fearful
awful.

is this even Ace? I'm not sure anymore.
Who am I?

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Sometimes, being multiple is worth it. Tonight, Al wrote this scathing (for him, at least) rant about our society (which he is going to post in his journal. or else I'll post it for him.) and then abruptly suggested we go sit in the rain (which he had been "feeling" for hours before it started.) So, for lack of anything better to do, we did. It was fun. Kitsune loved it, and I must admit, so did I. The sound... the white-noise sound of rain in the forest... it's so soothing. It feels like being one of Al's "flows," a part of everything.

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Nothing like being in the body of a menstruating woman to keep the (human) males of the system subdued. Al doesn't really appear to be bothered, though. I've yet to ask him about the finer points of his race's physiology, but I know they do have genders very similar to ours. Well, he just pointed out that they have a neuter gender as well, and are more accepting of those who lie "between the extremes" than our own culture is. Were, I mean. He says that we humans have some funny hangups about our own bodily processes. Anyway, so he's been out more, and I think I've talked him into posting some of his poetry (in English), which I think is incredible.
On to a more serious matter herein, which I originally intended to write about:
If Lucien is right (and I'm beginning to think that he might be), the fact is, I don't want to face the original. Apparently she made me as a kid, and while I've struggled through life, she's been locked up here in our head pleasantly living in her own fantasies, only occasionally yanking pleasant memories out of the stream to incorporate into her wonderland. I don't want to be her puppet, and I sure as hell don't want to "integrate" with someone like that. This is my life-our life- that we've made, and I"m not going to just give it up because she got dragged out of her little daydream.
*sigh* I've been getting irritated with my stepdad, but I bet she never would. I bet she loves everyone, and why not, when you only see your idealized versions of them? It's almost like I can feel her there, sometimes. I think sometimes I'm scared to be happy, scared that she will come back and steal everything from me. Maybe that's why I have my subtle emotional masochism, why I sometimes let Kai out more than I should. Even she is scared of Kai...

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I'm beginning to understand just how our system came to be, and I'm not entirely sure that the revelation is something that I like. I suppose the biggest shock is that the "original" is still here. The rest of us were either made or pulled in by her. She herself has just been hiding deeper and deeper over the years, as far from reality as she can get... To me, it seems cowardly. Damned cowardly, and damned cruel. It's probably best that the child is out of my reach.

Current Mood: thoughtful

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Ah. So the less cohesive pieces now have a journal as well? And what of the other 'people' that have chosen not to have journals, as of yet? Have they no voice? How very un-democratic of us.

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Posted by Lucien
This is the note she wrote. I am posting it under her name.

I am sorry.
I apologize (see? finally getting it right) for everything I have done. I've screwed up way too many times to even count. I don't deserve this life. I've done nothing but fuck things up for the rest of you. I'm not the "core" or the "host" or the "original" here. I'm even less than the rest of you, since I don't remember anything before. I'm sorry for abandoning you to deal with my actions, but I know you all will be able to do better than me. I'm leaving. Not leaving externally, but... well... I'm pretty sure I can lose myself. Maybe I can even die.
Djinn- You are so beautiful and strong. Please, make yourself heard. After all, we need someone to counterbalance all these males.Kitsune- Don't OD on anything. Don't kill the body. Don't steal. Don't... Oh hell. Just listen to Lucien.
Lucien- Take care of everyone, including Kyle. He's probably going to need you.
Raven- I'm sorry to be another leader abandoning you, but I have to., It's the way to prevent that from happening here.
Reia- Well, you wanted the rest of us gone. I hope this makes you feel a little better.
Yeshua- Stop dwelling on the past. And jump in, more often. I know it's you who's been reading the Bible and crying, and trying to be kosher. Sorry I haven't been. Don't hide so much. You're a beautiful person. You and Lucien have a lot more in common than you'll admit.
"Sophia"- Why have you forsaken us? Return to them, with me gone. Give them your strength. Guide them and Guard them. This is as close to prayer as I get. Forgive me.
And to anyone else who yet lurks in the dark, you have my blessing.
K'shar tol tellin
"Ace"

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Okay. We all admit. We've been having fun with the Multiplicity Missing Manual on Kinhost.org. Though Luc's been doing most of the writing. It's pretty nifty.

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I was thinking. You know how in cartoons and stuff, people always depict the conscience as a "shoulder angel" and "shoulder demon"? I have a whole fucking shoulder-pantheon.

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Muahahahaha!
I was reading and realized that we don't really qualify for DID, because we rarely suffer from memory loss between individuals, thanks to our odd little system in here. I think that's a good thing. No. I know that's a good thing.
Hm... So what do we count as? "Just plain crazy?"

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Kai did something again. Gods. I swear... It's so fucking frustrating. And Ace let her! "Yeah, sure, Kai! Why don't you come up front and talk to my boyfriend? It'll be FUN!" *Rolls his eyes* Seriously.

Current Mood: pissed off

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And I, of course, am Ace.

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c000000000000000000000000000000000000ffffffffffffffff3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111

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I am Alharakyun'jyee, once a mage of the Jyeein. I have little to say, but that I still do not trust Her, Kai'Nethrai. Never shall I trust her. I cannot forget him, and I will never forgive.

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And I, also, post. I'm letting them coerce me. What a reversal of roles! I am Kai, obviously. What more shall I say for all the pretty pretty little mortals?
I'll say more when I choose it, I suppose.
Ta!

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Oh! So I should introduce myself. For the sake of all of our theoretical readers. Fine, then. I'm Lucien Darke. I used to work for Lucifer. Now I mostly just mope and read and talk to a lot of people online. And watch anime. Gods, I love anime. And I'm pagan. And while I'm a straight male, the person I'm in love with is also male. Don't try to figure that one out. I'm not.

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Wow. First post in our new community. Should I feel priviledged, or just lame?

Current Mood: cynical

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